The Good Man Curse: Why Being Too Good Is Truly Unattractive | Hasani & Danielle Pettiford

Is there such a factor as ‘The Good Man Curse’? Is it even attainable to be too good? Males, the world over, have puzzled why girls frequently move up the quintessential good man who’s loving, caring, giving, supportive, accommodating, devoted, and head-over-heels in love with them. In addition to, aren’t these the qualities spelled out on each girl’s courting ‘Record?’ This thriller has stumped me for years till now. I’ve lastly cracked the code. A number of contributing elements place Good Guys in courting purgatory.

Within the preliminary stage of a relationship, many males strive laborious to make girls completely happy. They usually bend over backward to perform this process. If and after they enter right into a deeper stage of dedication, they usually take issues a step additional. They start to place their associate forward of everybody and every thing else of their lives. Whereas this will likely appear to perform the objective of constructing her completely happy, it does the exact opposite. Now, don’t get me improper, each girl in all probability likes it a primary. Each girl needs to really feel like she’s crucial factor in a person’s life. However, she doesn’t need really to be crucial factor in his life. If and when she turns into crucial factor in his life, she’ll begin to lose her attraction to him. If he facilities his life round her, it should drive her away.

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She’ll begin to resent the truth that his life revolves round hers and she’ll start to lose respect for him as a person when he retains adjusting to her each whim. Over time, the attraction she as soon as had will slowly disintegrate till it’s no extra. Whereas girls don’t possess an ‘attraction kill change’, slowly however certainly they start to comprehend that one thing is totally different. One thing is lacking. What was as soon as one thing has change into nothing. At this level, the ‘Good Man Curse’ has reared its ugly head. In his try to search out out what went improper, he’s met with frustration and disappointment. Why? Merely put, girls usually have a tough time articulating the shift of their feelings, as a result of it’s only a feeling they get. They don’t know learn how to put it into phrases. The sensation is both there or it’s not.

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Suppose again to the start of the connection, while you each shared a particular spark and reference to one another. You each in all probability had your personal life, targets, pursuits, and passions. And that ought to by no means change. Nonetheless, if a person surrenders his life and devotes all his time and vitality to a girl, he loses contact with what makes him who he actually is. And when he’s misplaced contact with himself, she loses contact with what attracted her to him within the first place. 

This can be a man whose life is now wrapped round her very existence. He turns into an all-consuming, overbearing, smootherer whose sole function is to please his girl. He turns into overly delicate to her moods and does every thing attainable to make her completely happy.  In essence, he’s always making an attempt to win her love, approval, and validation. No girl goes to be pleased with a man who makes her the middle of his universe and is consistently orbiting round her. Some girls could just like the considered this however when it occurs they get bored and depart. The explanation for it’s because it finally ends up killing that feeling of attraction which is the supply of all chemistry.

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In the event you’re nonetheless not satisfied, contemplate the love/hate relationship between Steve Urkel and Laura Winslow from the American pastime tv present Household Issues. Steve’s worshipful disposition in direction of Laura represented an unhealthy obsession that was extra unattractive than his obvious nerdy and goofy aura. Day by day, Laura was met with flowers, items, compliments, and different pleasantries which got out of desperation somewhat than appreciation. Do you see the distinction? Irrespective of how a lot Steve did for Laura, he was by no means thought of a possible love curiosity. As an alternative, he was diminished to the class of a groupie.

Curiously, when Steve remodeled into Stephan, Laura’s response to him dramatically modified. His clean, assured, safe, and self-interested persona gained her over. So, is it attainable to be too good, too accommodating, and too wrapped up in an individual? Completely! Whereas it’s true that every one girls need and should be liked, cherished, revered, and cared for, what they don’t want is a person whose very id, choices, and life’s motivation are molded by his need to please a girl.

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Hasani and Danielle Pettiford are life coaches and the co-founders of Couples Academy, a personal follow dedicated to putting {couples} on the trail to achievement.