6 Painful Causes You Expertise Retroactive Jealousy

Many individuals wrestle with retroactive jealousy, which is when you’re jealous of a accomplice’s previous romantic or sexual companions. A number of the commonest manifestations of this embody looking your partner’s ex-partners up on social media, evaluating your self or internally “competing” continually with an ex, continually asking your accomplice about their prior relationship and what was higher/worse in that relationship versus yours, and even snooping by way of your accomplice’s emails/texts to seek out outdated correspondence with their ex. What are some causes folks expertise retroactive jealousy?

Listed here are 6 painful causes you expertise retroactive jealousy:

1. Low shallowness

In the event you really feel like you’re not attractive or lovable, you possible don’t perceive why your accomplice is with you. It’s possible you’ll rationalize that the one purpose they stick with you is as a result of you’re a supplier, or since you are secure, or since you deal with all of their primary wants. You assume that your accomplice’s earlier companions had been extra interesting to them or extra of a turn-on, so that you change into obsessive about “proving” that that is the order to guard your self. In spite of everything, when you “know” that you just love another person extra, you shield your self from being blindsided It will definitely seems to be the case and so they go away you.

RELATED: 6 Painful Habits Of Folks With Very Low Self-Esteem

2. You may have a preoccupied attachment model

Whenever you grew up in a house the place your emotional wants weren’t persistently met, you study that romantic companions usually are not reliable. In case you have this attachment model, you’re continually anxious that your accomplice loves you and doesn’t prioritize you, and since you’re drawn to avoidant companions info usually are not as reassuring as others could also be. You due to this fact take their avoidant model to imply that you just simply aren’t “sufficient” for them and change into obsessive about the concept that they acted in a different way of their prior relationship and that the ex-partner someway elicited the sexual or romantic emotions you could’t absolutely receive out of your accomplice now. (Notice: you may additionally have a fearful avoidant attachment, though it is a much less widespread model.)

3. Disappointment about your personal sexual/romantic previous

Many males who consider themselves late bloomers wrestle with retrospective jealousy. They don’t really feel like they’ve sufficient expertise, both by way of the variety of companions or selection/depth of experiences, and so they change into jealous of their accomplice’s ex, whom they understand as extra enticing or sexually profitable than them.

RELATED: Why You are So Obsessed With His Ex (And How To Cease Being Jealous)

4. Unadmitted dissatisfaction with the connection

It feels dangerous to folks with low shallowness to confess that they aren’t glad of their relationship as a result of they’re not sure that they might ever get a special accomplice who’s a greater match for them. In the event you aren’t absolutely happy in your relationship, you might mission your unadmitted dissatisfaction onto your accomplice, saying they aren’t actually into you… when in facteally aren’t into them! Additionally, telling your self that your accomplice did extra romantic/sexual issues with another person means that there’s hope for change as a result of, in principle, you’ll be able to “hack” your accomplice by turning into extra like their ex. Admitting that no matter your relationship is at the moment like is one of the best it can get will be scary and upsetting in case you are glad.

5. Obsessive-compulsive dysfunction (OCD)

Individuals who wrestle with OCD in different areas typically wrestle with relationship OCD as effectively, the place they continually query if the connection they’re in is “proper” or if they’re actually appropriate with their accomplice. Retroactive jealousy typically performs into this as effectively, the place you get intrusive ideas about whether or not you’re keen on your ex greater than you. Intrusive ideas of any form could be a symptom of OCD and will be handled by remedy, particularly publicity remedy with response prevention.